Inexplicable
by hippolover1326
Summary: A one-shot on how Ashley Seaver had always idolized Emily Prentiss and how she felt about Emily taking her under her wing.


**Story: Inexplicable  
****Fandom: Criminal Minds  
****Author: hippolover1326  
****  
**

**I do not own Criminal Minds. **

**This is a one-shot from Ashley Seaver's point of view about how she idolized Emily and how Emily took her under her wing for the short time that they knew each other. **

* * *

**Inexplicable**

You know that feeling when you meet someone, and you're already sure that that person will have a huge impact on your life? Well, that's how I felt when I met Emily Prentiss. She intrigued me more than anyone. Her smile, her voice, her eyes, even her flaws intrigued me.

I'm not sure why, but when I arrived at Quantico with Rossi, and he introduced me to the team, my eyes gravitated to her. She looked confident, yet guarded. I was sure there were a lot of secrets hidden in her mind.

On our first case, Hotch sent us back in the car together to find some files. To be honest, I was almost afraid to talk to her. She was kind of intimidating – not physically, but I definitely felt small in her presence. We sat in the car, and I tried to get up the courage to speak to her. I was relieved when she spoke first. "That was good stuff, back there. What you said? That was helpful."

I wasn't sure how to respond. "Was it?"

"Yeah," she affirmed. "Profiling is…a process. It's about puzzle pieces, things that don't look like they fit until they do."

She was talking to me as if she cared what I thought. I thought there must have been a catch. "I still don't know how anything I said will be helpful," I admitted.

"Well, you never know," she told me. "If we have a subject in interrogation, knowing that he's a father who's a serial killer, he might be overprotective? That could be the perfect way to get him to talk." Emily paused. "The truth is, I never actually thought about them being fathers at all."

Well, here was something that I knew all about. "I don't think anyone does," I said grimly.

"Is he still alive?" she asked me. "Your father," she added rather unnecessarily.

"North Dakota does not have the death penalty," I told her. I knew all about that too. I took a breath, and decided to just say it. "And the answer to your next question is no. I've never been to see him. He writes, from time to time, but I haven't opened any of the letters."

She seemed genuinely interested. "Do you keep them?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Is that wrong?"

"I don't think there is any right or wrong when it comes to that," she offered.

"Can I ask you a question?" I wondered, although technically that was a question in itself.

"Sure," Emily said, calmly, almost invitingly.

I asked what I'd always wanted to know, about serial killers, but mostly about my father. "When you catch them, do they ever say why? Do they have an explanation?"

She sighed. "Never a good one."

And at that moment I knew that Emily Prentiss was no ordinary woman.

She agreed to be my training agent – I have no idea why. But I clung to her, I idolized her, while still trying to make my toughness known. I watched her strength, and vowed to be like her. I cringed to think of how I'd acted, how I'd been held in that house, and come out bloodstained and crying. I wondered what she would have done in such a situation. I began to copy her compartmentalization skills.

She grew distant when we first started tracking down Doyle. At the time I didn't know why, and soon the entire team was in the middle of it and things were so confusing and scary. After all, I had signed up to consult on a single case, and now here I was in the middle of a top secret investigation of a terrorist.

I kept my promise to myself that I would be like Emily. So I tried my best. I stayed strong, even though the horrible moments were frequent. The near-shooting almost broke me down, but I kept saying to myself, "Ashley, what would Emily do?" and I got through it.

That is, until we were in the hospital. JJ walked into the waiting room with a somber look on her face.

"She never made it off the table," JJ told everyone huskily.

My heart stopped. Maybe literally. I honestly didn't know what to think or feel. I felt like a bit of an outsider, as everyone else knew Emily so much better than I did. But I felt the pain just as acutely.

I surveyed the team's reactions as a way of putting off my own. Spencer hugged JJ. "I never got to say goodbye," he said, voice breaking. I hated to see him like that.

Penelope slowly crumpled as she absorbed the news. It was strange to see her so devastated, when she was usually the bright and cheerful one who made everyone smile, day in and day out.

Morgan was angry, as everyone fully expected him to be. I knew he blamed himself, and I could logically tell myself it wasn't his fault, but I'd been in the position of feeling guilty myself too many times to count.

Rossi was calmer than the rest. It was almost as if he'd been preparing himself for the worst ahead of time, so that when it did come, he wasn't too shocked.

JJ and Hotch made eye contact. I couldn't see what they were thinking, but I could only imagine the pain that was construed in that look.

And me? I just sat there dazed, tears filling my eyes. I couldn't believe it. Emily. My idol. The woman that I'd followed, copied, been oh-so-jealous of. The woman that had inexplicably taken me under her wing.

I wonder if I'm flattering myself to say that she saw herself in me.

Emily Prentiss, my hero.


End file.
